


cause and effect

by sin



Category: Empire Records (1995)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:51:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sin/pseuds/sin





	cause and effect

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SeaBunny (BeBunny)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeBunny/gifts).



__

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.  
Lao Tzu

  
He's never really sure how it happens.

But then again, Lucas is never really sure how a lot of things in his life happen.

AJ says it's the universe laughing at him. Lucas accepts that AJ can be a pessimist every once in a while, but still thinks it's a little harsh. He's also not really sure who's being insulted. Or if it's really an insult.

Joe just shakes his head, looks put upon and mutters something about, _buckethead_ and _why me?_ before disappearing into his office. With Jane. And Lucas wonders if he's too old for a good female role model to make an impression on his life.

Deb tries to tell him that people get what they deserve, but Lucas doesn't think karma works that way. Otherwise, she would have known and not needed a funeral and a bandage on her wrist to finally get the point.

Cory hugs him and smiles and twirls around AJ like it's her birthday, while Gina has to sit down before she falls down laughing.

Eddie isn't really capable of forming a coherent sentence, so Lucas pays no mind.

Lucas isn't sure what Warren thinks, but then he's not sure he understands anything about Warren now that he's not trying to liberate merchandise from the store by stupidly nefarious and wildly delinquent means. Besides, he's not sure Warren is even aware of what's going on, he seems to be focusing all his attention on the ID badge he keeps turning over in his hands.

Mark just smiles that smile of his and shrugs with his whole body.

.

Lucas is still of the belief that there's no way he can be held responsible for what happened. It really wasn't his fault.

The money, sure, okay, that was not the best idea he'd ever had, but it was that bold and courageous act. It made sense.

But, this? What's happening now?

Makes no sense that he can see and he's simply an innocent bystander.

.

Sometimes it feels like his life is a journey that he even remembered starting, but then who remembers their life starting? And if you did, my god, the trauma.

.

The issue is not that Mark kissed him. It's not even that Lucas kissed him back.

The issue is that Lucas isn't sure where to go from here.

.

But that's the end of the story, not the beginning. Or even the middle. So maybe it would make more sense to start from as close to the start as possible.

The roof.

That's the start. Or as close to the start as he can work out.

.

The roof of the Empire is a good place to think. To think, to ponder, to look at things differently when everything is spiralling around you. It's the place where Lucas can sit and feel the breeze on his face, listen to the snapping hum of the sign (when it's working) and drum his heels against the wall while he tries to sort through the twists and turns his life has taken.

The roof puts everything in perspective.

.

He'd been taking advantage of the quiet -- despite that niggling little voice in the back of his head that kept trying to break through the calm (before the storm) to point out that he was currently hiding from Joe -- sitting in his favourite place in the middle of the ledge along the far wall, watching morning unfold across town. People and cars like worker ants ran around below, leading and following, while he observed all from his perch.

He'd come back after running into Mark and AJ. Came up the back way, silent and unnoticed, as they opened up the store for the day. He heard the screech of Gina's tires as she braked and watched as she and Cory danced their way into the store. He heard the music -- the faint siren song of the soundtrack to soothe the working soul.

And he'd heard the death knell of the veto being invoked.

It made Lucas wonder if that would be what his final moments would sound like. His life being vetoed in a flash of red light and --

Skateboard wheels?

Lucas frowned. That couldn't be right, his life wasn't going to end in the sound of skateboard wheels.

Mark's delighted yelp as he ollied up and did a grind along the sign's support made so much more sense.

Lucas breathed a sign of relief. Because, really?

Skateboard wheels would have been such a let down.

.

So the roof was the start and Mark coming up onto the roof was pretty near to the beginning as well.

The middle was a bit more confusing. Well, maybe not the middle, but the bit after the start when Mark came onto the roof was confusing.

The memories that Lucas has of it are a kaleidoscope of perceptions and sensations. There's sky and brick and cement and the now flickering sign. There's a wordless shout and hands on his shoulders and the previously-mentioned cement biting into his elbows and the angle his neck was, quite frankly, really uncomfortable.

And there's Mark.

Sprawled half under him, with his arms around Lucas' chest and his hands clenching tight into Lucas' shirt and jacket.

.

Lucas really doesn't understand the way that thoughts surface in Mark's brain. He thinks that it must be like Excalibur rising from the lake or the way the Monster come out of the Lagoon. A flash of magic or something primordial but, either way, inexplicable.

It's the demented butterfly progression of Mark's thought processes that has Lucas confused.

Any kind of explanation would be nice, because Lucas is at a loss.

How a person -- Mark -- gets from _oh look, Lucas is sitting on the edge of the roof, in the spot he always sits_ to _OH MY GOD! HE'S GOING TO JUMP!_ is beyond him.

But that's apparently where Mark's brain has led him as he yells something about, "It's not worth it, Lucas. Joe'll forgive you. He always does. He doesn't even have to know."

Lucas has no real time frame for how long it's all taken, but it's a while and Mark is talking the entire time. Well, not talking, shouting. No, not shouting, sort of somewhere in the middle. His voice is loud in Lucas' ears and it's the one thing that makes Lucas move, because lying mostly on top of Mark, even with the grievous bodily harm to his elbows, is surprisingly comfortable.

.

Lucas remembers the conversation that follows going something like this: "Mark, can you please let go and tell me why on earth you thought that I was going to jump?"

Mark says later he didn't realise that Lucas had picked up so much of Joe's bad language.

Lucas thinks that Mark probably hit his head on the cement when they went down.

.

A head injury would also explain Mark's comment about _when you save someone's life, you become responsible for them._

Lucas isn't sure that he wants anyone else to be responsible for his life. He has enough trouble being responsible for it on his own.

Joe and the couch and the money are a pretty damning case in point.

.

It takes a while to get untangled -- Lucas never realised just how many arms and legs Mark had before and how they seem to go in all different directions -- but they manage it, but not without some potential for additional bruising.

Somehow they end up standing close, flushed and breathless, and Mark is looking at him like he doesn't know what.

Lucas wants to say something, to break whatever it is that hangs between them, but it doesn't come and before he can find something else, Mark shakes his head and laughs. Laughs and leans in close to press his lips against Lucas', quickly and almost too hard.

It's not a good kiss, awkward and ill-fitting, but it sparks.

And Lucas finds himself lost in it.

.

It's over too soon and Mark is backing away with uncertain eyes and a laugh, and Lucas has to grab hold of his shirt to stop him backing too far out of reach.

Grab hold and pull him back.

.

Lucas thought the sparks were just part of the experience, like when people talk of birds singing and fireworks and sunshine and all that. He soon realised that it was actually the sign sparking and fizzling and that Mark's skateboard was somehow wedged between the uprights of the I and R.

And he could see the moment that the realisation hit Mark as well. See the way he turned and hunched his shoulders when he realised what was actually causing said fireworks. Mark's face was a mask of dismay and before Lucas could do more than blink -- saying something wasn't even an option -- Mark grabbed his skateboard and disappeared back down the stairs with a panicked, "Work!"

.

And then things went from bad to worse to bad to a more even keel again.

Joe, the couch, Deb's wrist , Rex Manning, AJ's heartbreak, Cory's meltdown, Joe's fists -- all with only a side of psychological maleficence and firearm drama to break the monotony.

And there are people out there who think that working in a record store is boring.

.

Lucas could have done without all the melodrama, mainly because the melodrama got in the way of his being able to talk to Mark. Every time he tried, something else would happen.

Mark didn't seem to be acting any different, if anything, he was even more ... Mark.

But Lucas feels completely off balance. It's like his skin doesn't fit right, his reactions are off.

Lucas shrugs if off. The cause is clear and there's nothing to be done about it. Too many people, too many things going on and so what if Mark winked at him during his and Eddie's interpretive dance routine or there was a residual spark of warmth, low and burning, when Mark's hand brushed again his back when they passed on the stairs.

Then there was the organisation -- Mark being given keg duty -- and Lucas handling other logistics and Joe, and then the crowds and the celebration and somehow Lucas just couldn't find the time to get Mark alone to talk.

.

Joe likes to say that Lucas is a complete buckethead and that while his intentions are good, his execution is pretty shitty.

Or, more succinctly, _a one from the American judge._

.

Most of the time, Lucas is pretty sure that Joe's right.

.

On the other hand, a broken watch is right twice a day.

.

But only if it's analog.

.

And Lucas likes to think he's one of the sole remaining analogs in an increasingly digital world.

.

So that makes him right about 0.14% of the time.

.

He makes a point to save those times for the things that really matter.

.

The roof is where it started, as close to the beginning as Lucas can determine.

But maybe everything that happened prior was the beginning, all those actions were just a lead up to what happened on the roof. Maybe all those decisions, all those choices, were pre-determined and were going to be made regardless of anything else. Maybe he wasn't a bad seed, he was just supposed to be with Joe, because being with Joe would mean working in the store, which would mean meeting Gina and Cory, Eddie, Birko, Deb, Warren, AJ and all the other miscreants and dispossessed that came through Empire's doors.

Fate. Destiny. Maybe even Deb's karma.

Maybe it was all just a lead up to this moment. That this is the turning point.

Maybe Atlantic City and Mitch's money wasn't the one bold and courageous act that Lucas was supposed to make that changed the course of history.

.

And maybe talking wasn't the way to go.

.

When Lucas kisses Mark again on the roof of the Empire with the last shouts of "Damn the Man!" coming from the street below, he doesn't even think about it. He just does it.

In front of family and friends and strangers (though Jane is well on her way to becoming more than that) alike.

He ignores the catcalls, the laughter and concentrates on the way he can feel the beginning of Mark's smile as Mark kisses him back.


End file.
